The race to the presidency now turns toward the general election in November. CNN.com Live is your home for all the latest news and views from the campaign trail.
Today's programming highlights...
12:00 pm ET - First lady's commencement address - First lady Michelle Obama is the commencement speaker for graduation ceremonies at Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, Virginia.
1:00 pm ET - Romney in North Carolina - GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney speaks to supporters at a campaign event in Charlotte, North Carolina.
3:10 pm ET - Obama talks economy - President Obama wraps up his two-day swing of Western states by discussing the economy and housing at an event in Reno, Nevada.
9:30 pm ET - Junior Seau memorial - Friends, family and former teammates gather to remember former NFL linebacker Junior Seau, who committed suicide last week.
CNN.com Live is your home for breaking news as it happens.
Scared of a little girl?
You denied your kids a shot at the championship.
Your also teaching the children to find excuses for failure.
A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $ 5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the salesclerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29."
"I am actually 47." This makes him feel really good.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your hairy walnuts for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47."
Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonalds."
Good morning chrissy. How are you today and how is your grandson doing ?
Go away troll. It's too early in the AM.
A girl from Louisiana and a girl from the east coast were seated side by side on an airplane.
The girl from Louisiana, being friendly and all, said: "So, where y'all from?"
The east coast girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."
The girl from Louisiana sat quietly for a few moments and then replied with a sweet smile and her fabulous sticky-sweet drawl :
"So, where y'all from, bit ch?"
remember the fat kid who thought he had to be funny for people to like him? Trying to appear to be *smart* for fear the other kids don't like dummies? And there's the other kids paying attention to the news and wishing if only it were discussed instead of all this personal bs.
Are you saying your mind has regressed to your grammar school days ? How sad.
Remember when people had a sense of humor, and shared it with other people?
Happily, we live in those times still...and not wallow in the misery of one's own making.
If you don't like the joke, ignore it and say nothing.
Thank you banasy.
Bold of you to admit that you were the fat stupid kid, grammar. Thanks for sharing.
@bobcat,remember when we tackled gay kids and cut their hair off,those were the days,wasn't it.O,or was it making gay employees resign because of corporate pressure in the office,GEEZ,I just kinda forgotHell,I hope I don't have that political disease,REAGANS BRAIN ,its supposidly nontreatable medically,O WELL,ya can't have it all,can ya!!!LMAO!!!
And thanks for not shooting yourself in the head as is the custom even among Ritilin/Prozac junkies, other than the ones who shoot their own parents first. Junior was an organ donor of sorts. Very thoughtful of him.
RIP, Mr. Seau.
Please of the bs people make up about you to further their own sick, twisted agenda.
S/B: Please IGNORE the bs people make up about you to further their own sick, twisted agenda.
That is your opinion, and you know we so look forward to your opinions since they are sooooo one sided and thought out so well.
@Bobcat I loved it as normal ! There is nothing wrong with bringing a bit of joy into the lives of other people. I for 1 am glad you post your jokes and hope you never stop.
Good Afternoon everyone :)
Thank you ma'am. I will continue as long as they allow me to. Lately, they seem to be more tolerant. Maybe they're starting to like them too. Never know.
One day soon we will have a man running for president that DOESN'T believe in Obama nor Romney's fairytale god. A man of science and fact, not hocus pocus.
@ troll philip, thank you soooo much for your insight! NOT! And bobcat, try to ignore the negative ones, they are miserable and want to make everyone else miserable! The rest of us love your humor!
not kellyintulsa@ 4:l2
Lmfao @ Fillup, word!
Oh yes that was me Chrissy lol I promise. I love Bobcat's jokes every day
well maybe it wasn't me since I just looked at the time stamp on the one post I did make. Sorry Chrissy thought it was me lmao
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