When ReShonda Tate Billingsley let her daughter open an Instagram account, the Houston novelist made clear to her what would be appropriate to post to the picture-sharing site.
So the mother wasn’t impressed when she saw a couple of weeks ago that the 12-year-old took a picture of herself with unopened alcohol bottle from her father’s bar and posted it with the caption, “Wish I could drink this vodka.”
Billingsley decided the online faux pas should also be punished online.
She not only temporarily banned her daughter from Instagram, the mom took a picture of her daughter holding a sign announcing her punishment (but not showing most of her face). She posted it to her daughter’s Instagram account to chastise her and to the mother’s own public Facebook page, hoping to persuade other parents to monitor their kids’ online activity.
“Since I want to post photos of me holding liquor, I am obviously not ready for social media and will be taking a hiatus until I learn what I should and should not post. Bye-bye,” the sign read.
Within hours, more than 10,000 people shared Billingsley’s Facebook post, and hundreds of others shared it on Twitter. She says she didn’t expect so much attention, but she thinks it’s made the lesson more effective.
“She saw how this picture has gone viral, but … now she sees that if it had been the picture of vodka that went viral, it could have ruined her life,” Billingsley said Tuesday. “It’s vodka today, but it could be underwear five years from now if this isn’t nipped in the bud (and she doesn’t learn) the consequences of posting on social media.”
The story was picked up by media sites around the globe, and Billingsley, author of a number of adult and teen fiction books, wrote about her decision in a column on parenting site MyBrownBaby.com. She said the vast majority of the reaction has been positive, with many parents writing to her that they subsequently learned that their own children had posted things they didn’t approve of. Others remarked that the chastisement was appropriate and helped them talk to their children about what’s appropriate on social media.
“It was a welcome conversation for my 12-year-old who doesn’t have any social media! And she saw your story (and) doesn’t wanna go down that road,” one person wrote on her Facebook fan page.
About 3%, Billingsley said, had negative reactions, calling her a cyberbully or saying her daughter would hate her forever.
“You have manipulated your child's feelings with humiliation in an attempt to control her,” a person wrote on the fan page. "You claim that you have done this to teach her a lesson about what she puts on the Internet is difficult to remove. This article is going to follow her for the rest of her life and in a negative way.”
Billingsley wrote on MyBrownBaby.com that this is a new age, and “we have to meet kids where they are.”
“She begged to get a spanking instead or some other punishment,” Billingsley said. “But the strongest message was to meet her on her level, because she would have taken a spanking and been over it in 20 minutes.”
Her daughter was horrified at first, but by the second day, she was taking comfort from her friends, who didn’t tease her but rather called her mom crazy, Billingsley said. The girl then asked her mom to delete the vodka photo from Instagram.
“She saw the consequences. She said, ‘I wish I had never done that,’ ” Billingsley said.
The girl now intends to start a group at her middle school that will talk about using social media responsibly, said Billingsley, a former reporter for Houston TV station KRIV.
“Social media is here to stay. We just have to teach our kids how to navigate it properly,” she said.
© 2012 Cable News Network. Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
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take a deep breath fish. No one asked the mother about how the kid got the vodka in the first place, kinda questioning the parenting skills a bit. she could had avoided this if she knew her daughter better. but that's just my opinion I don't think the punishment was wrong though.
Your ignorance is shining through. Sad, really.
Pain, fear, humiliation are not ways to discipline anyone, much less an innocent child! If that makes me a monster or a case of arrested development, SO BE IT.
Because OBVIOUSLY a 12 year old that wants to down a bottle of vodka and announces it to the world via social media is an innocent child. CLEARLY a child that wants to do something won't do it at all if their parents have told them no and hugged and coddled them. When will America get the picture? Excellent parenting examples can be found on MTV's Super Sweet 16 and 16 and Pregnant. That's my kind of parenting right there.. tell them right from wrong, never discipline because it might hurt their feelings or esteem and let the kid TELL THE PARENT what they're going to do.
Seriously.. what is wrong with you people trying to say this is pain and humiliation? We humiliate ourselves much, much worse on a day to day basis without even trying. College and 21 parties, anyone?
I work at a school and there are so many problems with kids posting things much worse than pictures of unopened alcohol bottles. Way to go to this mom for drawing the line and enforcing it! I wish more parents were this in touch with today's reality.
omG, you mean, there are CONSEQUENCES to your actions???? Bet she didn't vote for Obama!!!
Well done Mom. It's called consequences. Kids need to learn them.
Ditto – good for Mom, integrity!
Great parenting in a whole new era of parenting! Kids need to know that people have cameras and picture phones everywhere, anything they do could potentially be posted online. The mom may have stopped her from embarrassing herself down the road with something worse than this. A+!!
I agree, great job mom! Facebook is the ultimate anti-christ of this world, especially for younger children. Instagram seems to not be far behind. Useless.
Really? Anti-christ?
Christians are the ultimate crusaders of the world, simply kill anything that scares them.
Great job mom!
Good parenting in a cyber-world.
Take a chill pill. To me this wasn't extreme punishment and most likely the daughter got a laugh out of it after a few days where removed from the punishment. It is about time parents make thier kids pay for thier actions now instead of letting them get away with it and having them pay down the road. So get off your high horse and understand that this punishment is better now then what she could face in the future id mom just allowed this behavior.
I think the mother was absolutely correct in her "punishment". I can guarantee her daughter will be thinking twice and three times before putting anything stupid anywhere on the internet again. It also shows the daughter that although kids feel like they are invincible that all it takes is someone posting something you don't want on the internet. By this I mean, imagine if she didn't learn the lesson and down the road she is drinking at a party and someone is snapping photos....you know that will end up on the internet. Her mom was showing her that simple pictures can be humiliating and there are just somethings you don't want everyone to see. I think this girl is going to be really careful from here on in. Also....what is better, smacking your kid around? Talking and time outs would be worthless and I think a little humiliation goes a long way and kids these days need to humble themselves. Parents gotta teach their kids while they still can and while the kids are still under their roof. Good job momma!
I'm a high school educator, and I can't praise this mom enough for her approach to correcting her child's behavior. Yes, she met her daughter where she is, but also, she's taught her another, more important lesson than just the immediate- in that household, there are limits. Parents often "laugh off" or shrug at behaviors in children when the kids are young, not asking, "What's that behavior going to look like in a few years when this kid is a teenager and I really need to dig in and say 'no?'" This mom is going to have a much easier time later on because her child is going to respect her authority, and know that if she steps out of the light of acceptable behavior in that household, there will be consequences, an mom will follow through. Too many parents today want to be their child's BFF, and do not want to be the "heavy." GOLD STAR, mom!
This is a real mother that is being a parent and not a friend. In today's society we are letting our children control us. Sending a child to his or her room, taking the computer or phone is pointless nowadays. You have to let them know what's right and what's wrong. If we do not punish our children, when they stand before a judge it over.
Brown Sugar,
You have hit the nail SQUARELY on the head!!! One of the biggest problems today is parents who seem to "forget" that they are PARENTS and not their kids friends!
Starting when my kids were about 5 and in kindergarten I told them that it didn't matter what other parents allowed their kids to do, I was always going to be the "mean" Daddy who would most likely say "NO!"
Of course, I haven't ALWAYS said no but now as teenagers, they know they have to come up with VALID reasons why they should be allowed to do something because they still get the tried-and-true "if your friends jumped off a bridge..."
The ironic part is that when I proudly tell their friends that I am the meanest father they will ever meet, my kids actually tell them that I was "never actually 'mean' just strict... because he loved us enough to care"
I agree with this mom. Those of you with opposing veiws should get a better arguement if you plan on convincing anyone.
I am 15 and I learned this lesson already, but if this girl is posting pictures with her doing and saying stupid things that could hurt her in the future. Would you want her to never be able to find a job or go to college? They check that sort of things. Background check you.
Many feel this was extreme, but I feel in the words of Machiavelli "The end justifies the means" In this case I agree with his blunt and simple words of wisdom.
Love,
LovingLovelace