When ReShonda Tate Billingsley let her daughter open an Instagram account, the Houston novelist made clear to her what would be appropriate to post to the picture-sharing site.
So the mother wasn’t impressed when she saw a couple of weeks ago that the 12-year-old took a picture of herself with unopened alcohol bottle from her father’s bar and posted it with the caption, “Wish I could drink this vodka.”
Billingsley decided the online faux pas should also be punished online.
She not only temporarily banned her daughter from Instagram, the mom took a picture of her daughter holding a sign announcing her punishment (but not showing most of her face). She posted it to her daughter’s Instagram account to chastise her and to the mother’s own public Facebook page, hoping to persuade other parents to monitor their kids’ online activity.
“Since I want to post photos of me holding liquor, I am obviously not ready for social media and will be taking a hiatus until I learn what I should and should not post. Bye-bye,” the sign read.
Within hours, more than 10,000 people shared Billingsley’s Facebook post, and hundreds of others shared it on Twitter. She says she didn’t expect so much attention, but she thinks it’s made the lesson more effective.
“She saw how this picture has gone viral, but … now she sees that if it had been the picture of vodka that went viral, it could have ruined her life,” Billingsley said Tuesday. “It’s vodka today, but it could be underwear five years from now if this isn’t nipped in the bud (and she doesn’t learn) the consequences of posting on social media.”
The story was picked up by media sites around the globe, and Billingsley, author of a number of adult and teen fiction books, wrote about her decision in a column on parenting site MyBrownBaby.com. She said the vast majority of the reaction has been positive, with many parents writing to her that they subsequently learned that their own children had posted things they didn’t approve of. Others remarked that the chastisement was appropriate and helped them talk to their children about what’s appropriate on social media.
“It was a welcome conversation for my 12-year-old who doesn’t have any social media! And she saw your story (and) doesn’t wanna go down that road,” one person wrote on her Facebook fan page.
About 3%, Billingsley said, had negative reactions, calling her a cyberbully or saying her daughter would hate her forever.
“You have manipulated your child's feelings with humiliation in an attempt to control her,” a person wrote on the fan page. "You claim that you have done this to teach her a lesson about what she puts on the Internet is difficult to remove. This article is going to follow her for the rest of her life and in a negative way.”
Billingsley wrote on MyBrownBaby.com that this is a new age, and “we have to meet kids where they are.”
“She begged to get a spanking instead or some other punishment,” Billingsley said. “But the strongest message was to meet her on her level, because she would have taken a spanking and been over it in 20 minutes.”
Her daughter was horrified at first, but by the second day, she was taking comfort from her friends, who didn’t tease her but rather called her mom crazy, Billingsley said. The girl then asked her mom to delete the vodka photo from Instagram.
“She saw the consequences. She said, ‘I wish I had never done that,’ ” Billingsley said.
The girl now intends to start a group at her middle school that will talk about using social media responsibly, said Billingsley, a former reporter for Houston TV station KRIV.
“Social media is here to stay. We just have to teach our kids how to navigate it properly,” she said.
© 2012 Cable News Network. Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
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Social media is here and in our childrens lives. You can say you will not allow them to have but they will go behind your back and they probably already have, you just don't know it because you haven't gotten their password and login so proper monitoring and open discussions can be made. This mother fought fire with fire – there are rules and consequences for all actions. Is humiliation the way to go – maybe not but for us parents this is new to us to and we have to get through to our children on "their" level – I am sure it resulted in an open discussion and the child knows the mother means business – way to go mom!!!! Sometimes tough love is hard but we have to do it and make our point to teach lessons for our children which they will understand and respond to. In this social media world we live in we must embrase it and be creatve in how we enforce the rules cuz its here to stay and they are using it so don't be blind but be proactive and speak to your children and let them know you are monitoring. I am friends with my kids on FB and their friends not cuz I am but because I keep up with what everyone is doing (stay in the loop)
I can see easily the punishment aspect but the comment in the story : "You claim that you have done this to teach her a lesson about what she puts on the Internet is difficult to remove. This article is going to follow her for the rest of her life and in a negative way.”
That sums up what she did very effectivly. Now instead of a picture of a girl with Vodka that would have been lost amoungst the other thousands of pictures this one particular picture is going to follow her for the rest of her life, and the news stories will allways be there.
I also agree with mike rotchitches the mother could have very easily just posted that picture and left it at that but now the mother is going around and using her daugther to make a name for herself. It seems to me that the mother doesn't know how to use social media either.
Mom is just using her child to get publicity.
I disagree, I think the mother is trying to teach her daughter a much needed lesson and that is when an agreement is broken than their are consequences to be paid.
Too many parents these days are ruled by their children and do not have the guts to stand up and be parents. I applaud this mother who is at least trying.
Why does a twelve year old need to be on this media to start with?
You are a idiot!!!!
Or just trying to teach her something.
Yep, she is promoting her book at the expense of her daughter. Sick.
I wonder how you would feel if the mother did nothing and the police showed up at her door because the girl had access to alcohol. Then she could be in a long legal battle to prove that she is a worthy mother in order to have her child back. Or worse yet the child would think it was ok and she drank at the tender age of twelve, maybe putting herself in the hospital. I say GO MOM!! Your actions are appropriate and have caught the attention of many others that needed to find a solution to their child's behavior.
Unlike many parents, which you evidently are not, this woman found a good teaching moment and used it to possibly better her daughters character, morality and judgment. More parents should be as active in their childrens lives. Good job Mom!
Slow morning for u Christa? There are plenty of other stories to spew ur way of thinking, just a click away. So tell me Christa if Mom was hunting for publicity with her post, what's your reason, lowest lifeform, I wonder.
Christa: How would you know?
"Mom is just using her child to get publicity."
Publicity for what? Your comment makes no sense.
dumb remark. Media did that for her, she was just parenting her child....and in todays world proper parenting is a big deal because most dont know how.
Mother of the Year! Give this woman an award NOW!!!
Silly
Bravo Mom. Finally a parent who understands that they have a responsibility to their children as opposed to trying to gloss over what could potentially become a huge embarassment. For all of you vain people who think the whole world wants to know all the details of your existence please consider the following.
Everything you make avialable on the WWW (World Wide Web) is archived and easily found if anyone cares to do so. So what you ask? Did you know that colleges are routinely evaluating applicants through a web search? Do you know that employers almost always reserach applicants before hiring and sometimes even after hiring? Here's one that should sober you up – your insurance carrier when evaluatuing you for corporate or excess personal coverage also will research you on the web. So go ahead, put a few pictures of yourself engaged in a high school fight, naked in the backseat of a car and mooning the world,drinking Tequila then drunk and passed out at a party. When someone shows it to you 7 years later, then asks if that's you and why you did it do you think you'll understand what you've done?
The rest of you who want to tell the world your travel plans are just as clueless. Do you think it's remotely possible that an enterprising criminal is reading your posts, picking up your mail and breaking into your home while you're gone on the trip you so boastfully broadcast to the world? C'MON wake up and use your head.
BTW my typing sucks so if there are any TYPO's my apologies in advance.
PKK: well said. Social media brings out the worst in most people, making them do things they would never even fathom doing in person, not understanding that you can still be identified and tracked. It's a p3d3ophile's and stalker's best dream, and a parent's worst nightmare. And for those of you who think YOUR kid would NEVER do something stupid online...I challenge you to track their computer usage for a week and see what you come up with. I wager you're going to be apalled.
One of these days I'll figure out why people are so concerned with what you'd done when you were a teenager, such as the person talking about "7 years later, your insurance will look at this and go 'Is this you and what were you doing?'" "Well, seven years ago, I was an idiot and I did stupid things. Can you tell me you never did the same, Mr. / Mrs. Insurance Person?"
It just doesn't make sense to me.
However...
Punishment works as lesson is learned. No harm, no foul. Kid doesn't hate her and wants to actively help her friends. How can people argue with obvious results?
Scarlet Letter all over again.
Thats ridiculous. The punishment was blatantly unintelligent. The mother has no idea how social media works, so she over reacted. Now she's getting praise from equally computer-illiterate parents, which is completely undeserved. She could have spoken with he daughter, maybe grounded her, instead she purposefully embarrassed her online.
Doing a lot of talking does nothing for kids in this day and time, if embarrassing the child from drinking and doing other stupid things in life then the mother did a good job.
Excellent. Agree.
Her daughter embarrassed herself online by posting herself (12) with alcohol. As he mother stated, you have to meet today’s kids at their level and their level is online. These aren’t the kids of yesterday that play outside and hangout at the mall with their friends where "grounding them would be effective. My son "plays" with his friends all the time and they never leave their respective homes. She showed her just how fast the wrong type of picture can get around and I am certain her daughter will think twice before posting another. GREAT JOB MOM!!!
Would you care to school us on how social media works??? I'm pretty sure this 12 year old doesn't have her profiles locked down so no one can see it but friends, and no one can comment on it. I'm a network security specialist and a paid ethical hacker/penetration tester...so go ahead, school me on social media works. This mom did the right thing monitoring and then punishing her child.
Agreed. My question is this: did she encourage dishonest behavior by allowing a 12 yr old to skirt age restrictions in the terms of service of Instagram? Could this have been prevented by waiting until the kid was 13 (the typical age requirement of most social media and MMO games)? Or does Instagram allow 12 yr olds? Still, she did the right thing after the fact.
You have no clue how to parent.
She is a perfect example of a parent doing the right thing....what would you suggest grounding them to her room with her TV and IPod?
Right, because now that the little girl "intends to start a group at her middle school that will talk about using social media responsibly, said Billingsley, a former reporter for Houston TV station KRIV", in other words – the punishment had the desired effect and now the little girl realizes her error and now wants to help other kids realize and use social media responsibly, the whole strategy was a total "fail", right?
You're an idiot. A total idiot. Pull your head out and get a clue or two. This mother knew exactly what would work best for her child, and she wasn't afraid to do it.
YOU, on the other hand, haven't CLUE 1 what would work best for this child.
SETH: What does computer literacy have to do with it? I I run a ZFS server from my home running on Solaris 11 Unix OS. I am fluent in python, Ruby, C++ and VB, so while I may not be a tech god I'm reasonably computer literate and I completely approve. If you have a reason for not approving, state it, otherwise this is just an ad hominem attack and only showcases your ignorance.
lols at "ZFS Server"
Completely incorrect. Good for mom. We need more parents taking this role with their children. This is the problem with this country right now, parents believing that they are being "too" tough on their kids or just be "fair weather" all together. Keep up the good work mom!!
You don't have any kids, do you, Seth?
"Thats ridiculous. The punishment was blatantly unintelligent. The mother has no idea how social media works, so she over reacted. Now she's getting praise from equally computer-illiterate parents, which is completely undeserved. She could have spoken with he daughter, maybe grounded her, instead she purposefully embarrassed her online."
I'm VERY computer literate (I'm a systems engineer), and I applaud her. I fully understand how social media works, and this mother does, too. You're clearly the clueless one here.
My guess is that you're a 15-year-old that's scared your parents might see what happened here and start making you accountable for your actions as well.
Seth, you are a Moron who obviously does not have kids.
The punishment was right on the mark.
I'd give you some education if you showed the slightest potential of understanding anything beyond puppets and crayons. Unfortunately, I'm fresh out of both.
Now, get back outside. The sand misses your head.
Embarrasment is FAR more effective than other forms of punishment. it works and the child will be fine, not ruin her life.
As the mother said, any other form of punishment she would have taken it and been over it in nothing flat. Now the child actually LEARNED her lesson. Read what the child did, sounds to me like it worked just fine and made her goto her peers and try to teach what she learned. Your kids ever do that?
I bet your a "time out" parent.
yup and when the punishment its over, shes back to the same thing. but since its embarrasment, she takes it moreseriously than just a grounding. did grounding work for you? or were you a time out kid? lol
No what mom actually did was show her how social media does work and the consequences of abusing it. That girl will forever understand how a picture that was meant for her social circle can travel unfettered through cyberspace forever.
Seth.. I think you are more likely to not understand how social media works. You're kidding right?
Agreed. When this girl goes to school and bears the burden of this form of public humiliation, she'll do it alone. There are much better ways to punish bad behavior.
I am not computer illiterate, but I support this mom. What better way to get through to a pre-teen to teenage girl than to incite embarrassment? I never got detention or acted out in school- you know why? My mom threatened to come to the school dressed in her night gown and her hair in rollers. That was enough for me. When my sister was in 4th grade, she had a morning where she was really grouchy and just not listening to mom. My mom sent a cookie bouquet to her classroom- and my sister could only have it on the stipulation that the teacher read the card aloud to the class. It said "Brittany, I love you, even when you're grouchy." She never acted out again.
You will have more issues with your kids than she will. Be a parent first.
@Seth – actually I applaud what the Mother did here. She is not an in the dark computer illiterate and she shows how something small can blow up.
What would grounding just serve if the daughter doesn't comprehend how damaging one photo can be? This illistrated it brillantly.
You are clueless, her page was locked and only visible to family and friends....not just anyone can view it. You clearly have no clue about social media. Moron.
I dare say I'm probably more computer-literate than you, certainly than most, and I'm also a parent and grandparent. And I think this was an AWESOME reaction for this mother to have. I support her 100%. So don't generalize her supporters as being "computer illiterate." Do YOU have any kids? I thought I was the greatest parent in the world too... until I had kids.
Seth, how is it ridiculous or unintelligent? There's a lot to be said for public humiliation...and in this case I think it works. Plus she is "grounded" in a sense. I say the parents did the right thing in this case. It's clear to me you don't have kids. You may have computer literacy but you have a lot to learn re: parenting.
I'll bet you don't have kids.
@Seth – I'm going to assume that you are not the parent of a pre-teen / teenage child. As many have said, this is a different parenting world. So you ground them...then what? They don't have cell phones, computers, friends, etc. for a few weeks but have they learned anything? No. This simple punishment hurt no one, maybe embarassed enough to make her think twice.
As the parent of 2 teenagers, I appreciate this punishment 100%.
If the mother was stupid enough to let her daughter have a social media account, the punishment was stupid because the daughter shouldn't have been allowed to post in the first place.
Not all kids learn the same way. I don't know how old your kids are, but until they are grown with successful families of their own, you really don't know if she was right or wrong. Her daughter seemed to have figured out the reasoning, so I would say the mother acted appropriately for her daughter. It's not just about how she handles the internet or any other communication, but how she handles her life, and that it can have consequents not foreseen when doing things without thinking of the consequent s..
Hey, it could have been a more serious punishment. The mother could have shot the liquor bottle with a high-powered pistol while wearing a cowboy hat.
That video was HILARIOUS! and well deserved by the way.
We should never underestimate the power of a high-powered pistol. Even though many people did not agree with the method...it was effective.
Children will grow when parents care and show their children that they are paying attention, watching their behavior, caring about what they do, good job mom, you're awesome and a caring mom, we need so much more of this, get involved in your childrens lives folks, don't let electronics babysit them, get off fb, your phone, the pc, gossiping w/ your neighbor, off drinking, smoking at the casino, shopping , off with other people and not paying attention to the children you brought into this world!!!! Parenting must get better , for all our sakes, kids want you , your time, not cr*ppy stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think this mother is amazing. Not enough people realize that there are consequences to things posted online.
Excellent. Well said.
I hate parenting articles. Everyone fills this section with crazy arguments. Want a drinking game? Take a shot every time you see the words "generation," "coddling," or see someone talk about how good of a parenty they are/were from behind their keyboard where no one can fact check them.
I remember back in high school, one of the football player's moms came to school with him for an entire day to humiliate him (in a similar fashion, likely) so he would pay more attention in class. It only worked temporarily, so I figure the same tactic will only work temporarily here. The kid, as mentioned, is already getting sympathy from her friends for "a crazy mom." Good for mom for paying attention and monitoring. You need to do as such in this day and age, not like a few generations ago when parents would just chuck their kids outside and say "come back by sunset."
Ms. Billingsley, I thank you for the backbone so many parents don't have today! Children do what they want n parents say they can't do anything with them, what?!? They are afraid, sorry, scared lot parents. So what she will hate you, n your home there will be rules and when she gets to be 18 an better, she can leave! But by then children want to live with you and eat your food, watch your cable, ride in your car but do what the hell they want.
As a parent I'll chose what I will put up with so socailty can stand to live next door to her as a good neigbor. Thank you again. Mrs. T. Peterson, NYC
This is almost as good as the guy who shot his kids laptop and posted the video on YouTube. More parents need to be like this.
Wow, a parent actually paying attention to what her child did online? Most parents would blame the internet for the child's action. More power to parent's like this.