soundoff (116 Responses)

1. chrissy
   

   Life sentence won't be much of a waste of taxpayer dollars anyway!

   November 13, 2013 at 12:30 am | Report abuse |
2. Joey Isotta-Fraschini©
   

   @Dexter, good one.

   November 13, 2013 at 4:50 am | Report abuse |
   • banasy©
     

     Yes, because posting fantasies about people you 'll never know isn't troll-like at all.

     November 13, 2013 at 5:54 pm | Report abuse |
   • The Real Jeff Frank (Ohio T-Party)"Right Wing Insanity"
     

     No...its downright twisted huh. Dropped in to say hi ♡.

     November 13, 2013 at 10:41 pm | Report abuse |
3. Joey Isotta-Fraschini©
   

   Big crime begets big punishment. but I've never been partial to Boston.

   November 13, 2013 at 6:42 am | Report abuse |
4. Joey Isotta-Fraschini©
   

   Obama should have coldly hired greatly skilled computer experts to build his healthcare plan. I was amazed that my physician, who has a penthouse on the desirable building wwhere I once lived on a lower floor, advocates a single-payer system.

   November 13, 2013 at 6:58 am | Report abuse |
5. banasy©
   

   The old coot. Good.

   November 13, 2013 at 10:32 am | Report abuse |
6. bobcat (in a hat)©
   

   A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.
   The old-timer says: "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Bill Gates. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."
   The new man asked: "And... what happened?"
   "One day Bill Gates reported his credit cards missing!"

   November 13, 2013 at 11:26 am | Report abuse |
7. Joey Isotta-Fraschini©
   

   You can say "Gipper'" in this forum, but the name of the associated president gets me a rejection slip.

   November 13, 2013 at 11:26 am | Report abuse |
8. banasy©
   

   Go Notre Dame.
   The Gip shouldn't have gone out that night.

   November 13, 2013 at 11:36 am | Report abuse |
9. bobcat (in a hat)©
   

   WHICH IS WORSE ? PRISON OR WORK

   IN PRISON.......You spend the majority of your time in an 8×10 cell.
   AT WORK........You spend most of your time in a 6×8 cubicle.

   IN PRISON.......You get three meals a day.
   AT WORK........You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.

   IN PRISON.......You get time off for good behaviour.
   AT WORK........You get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.

   IN PRISON.......A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
   AT WORK........You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.

   IN PRISON........You can watch TV and play games.
   AT WORK.........You get fired for watching TV and playing games.

   IN PRISON.......You get your own toilet.
   AT WORK........You have to share.

   IN PRISON.......They allow your family and friends to visit.
   AT WORK........You cannot even speak to your family and friends.

   IN PRISON.......All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
   AT WORK........You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from you salary to pay for prisoners.

   IN PRISON.......You spend most of your life looking through bars from inside wanting to get out.
   AT WORK........You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

   IN PRISON......There are wardens who are often sadistic.
   AT WORK.......They are called supervisors.

   IN PRISON.......You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes.
   AT WORK........You get fired if you get caught.

   NOW GET BACK TO WORK!

   November 13, 2013 at 11:41 am | Report abuse |
10. bobcat (in a hat)©
    

    A police officer stopped a young man for speeding. He stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man's window. "What chew driving so fast for boy? You going to a fahhr? Let me see your license, boy." The young man handed over his license. Then the officer noticed that the back seat of the car was full of large knives. The officer said, "Tell me boy, why you got them knives on that there back seat?" The young man replied, "Well sir, I'm a juggler." The officer spat some tobacco juice and then he said, "A juggler; well you don't say. Boy, put cha hands on the trunk of yer car; you going to jail!" The young man pleaded with the officer not to take him to jail. He offered to prove to the officer that he was a juggler by way of demonstration. He said, "You can even hold me at gunpoint while I juggle for you." The officer reluctantly allowed him to prove his point while he held him at gunpoint. Two miles down the road at Joe's Tavern, Billy Bub was drinking it up with Jerry Lee Jones. Billy Bub soon left and got into his old, rusty pickup truck. He proceeded down the road trying his best to stay on the right side. All of a sudden Billy Bub spotted the most unbelievable sight of his life! He drove to the nearest phone booth and dialed the number for Joe's Tavern and asked for his buddy, Jerry Lee. When Jerry Lee got on the phone, Billy Bub said, "Whatever you do when you leave that tavern, don't go north on route 109. The state police are giving a sobriety test that nobody can pass!"

    November 13, 2013 at 11:57 am | Report abuse |
11. bobcat (in a hat)©
    

    A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When finally his work was done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground.
    "I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted.
    "So what," said a little girl. "I'm four."

    November 13, 2013 at 12:03 pm | Report abuse |
    • banasy©
      

      Okay, this one made me laugh out loud.

      November 13, 2013 at 12:30 pm | Report abuse |
    • banasy©
      

      Apparently, I am not allowed to spell out lol.

      November 13, 2013 at 12:34 pm | Report abuse |
12. saywhat
    

    Agree@chrissy on Whitey and @JI-F on Obama hiring computer experts for bldg healthcare plan. Silicon valley was the place to go.
    good morning folks.

    November 13, 2013 at 12:05 pm | Report abuse |
13. bobcat (in a hat)©
    

    A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her "go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!" The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?" The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"

    November 13, 2013 at 12:17 pm | Report abuse |
14. bobcat (in a hat)©
    

    Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

    After 3 years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community, and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

    The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."

    November 13, 2013 at 12:22 pm | Report abuse |
15. chrissy
    

    Lmao thank you @ bobcat, all three of those jokes were awesome.

    November 13, 2013 at 12:30 pm | Report abuse |
    • bobcat (in a hat)©
      

      Thank you chrissy and a big hello. It's been a long dry spell for me, but it's great to be back. LOL

      November 13, 2013 at 1:01 pm | Report abuse |